...you've gotta give me a minute....

Dilemma

I was a really bad daughter today. My family spent all day in SD for my brother's soccer obligations. So, per usual, I spent the day without them. However, when I got home from yoga, I was unusually resentful towards my father. That makes sense in my head, however, the morality of the action does not render. Of course, I feel as though it is partially deserving, however, the immense guilt laced in the action does not make it worth it.
I blew up on my boyfriend the other day, from the unreasonable anger bottled up against my brother. I have managed to train myself to bottle up my anger against him, and let it go on my boyfriend or myself. It's horrible. I should 'forgive' but I feel as though he has caused so much terror in my life, why should I forgive? It's the same as bottling it up... It's gonna kill me.

I'm so trapped in this situation.

I can't say no to my brother's criticisms, my parents don't see the wrong, and I know they're just exhausted from his relentless arguments. There's no way of fighting him. There's no way of fighting this. There's no way of getting out of this situation. I'm like in war....

My time in war is up, but I'm apprehensive to leave because my comrades, my parents, still have time here. I don't want to lose my comrades in this battle. They need me.

I wish I had answers. I wish I wasn't in this situation.

I love my parents so much, it's so difficult to see them dealing with all of this. But my greatest concern in them, is their health. I fear so greatly over their state of being. But who am I to tell them what to do?

I feel so oppressed.

So submissive.

The Fray - Say When

Occupy

Unrelated to eating disorders and food... If my job required that I preform unethical practices such as this... (as a police officer) I would not be able to sleep at night....

How do they feel? They're fighting for their money. For your future. For their right to an education. You were given that liberty, why can't they have the same? They're trying to keep the future lit for you, and you're spraying them with pepper spray?

How will you feel tomorrow, when your future all of a sudden goes dim?

Education is our future. It is what keeps our heads up today.
Listen to their stories. Listen to their sad stories. Understand why they're doing this.

Understand that they're doing this for themselves. They're being oppressed. Your future is being oppressed.....

I confess I already paid tuition for spring 2012, but that doesn't mean I don't want to fight for my education.

Occupy

Coping With Injury

So over the past few weeks, I have been learning to cope with my dancer's hip, as you may or may not have read about here. Coping methods...

I've been swimming, doing hot vinyasa yoga, cycling and a few insanity videos here and there. I've been trying to watch what I eat, without limiting myself too much - less activity = less calories. I've been feeling a little more positive, actually. I wrote a post a little while ago about changing your mind set, and how you look at things. Quite honestly, I never thought that would be me - changing the way I think. I always thought that was a load of crap to make people feel better.. But maybe it wasn't... I don't believe I have been any more stressed, however, I don't want to draw any conclusions too soon. That tends to be quite a pattern in my book.

Speaking of stress....

I just found this article on Reddit.. Let's break it down....

So basically this article is saying that there is some sort of correlation between a woman's mental state and eating state. The correlation doesn't look good either. For you women who work hard, apparently you play hard as well. The study showed that women who were given a food incentive (access to a buffet) and a deadline, were more likely to eat 230cal more than those women who patiently waited (same amount of time - 45min) for their food. So what does that say?
I drew the conclusion that stress makes you fat. It's quite true in terms of the hormones released and inhibited when an individual is fat - hormones dictate where fat goes etc. But stress also causes stress eating. Self explanatory, yes? You eat when you are stressed.

But I found that this article contradicted another article. I know that the two articles are not exactly the same idea, but the conclusion I drew was contradictory.

The second article stated that women who are in high stress positions, such as executive and CEO positions have a tendency to develop restrictive eating disorders. Their reasoning behind that was that women need to feel control and they exert those feelings on their eating habits.

However at the end of the day, eating habits (obviously) differ from one individual to another.
And you may even find the same eating habits (and stress relief), that may contradict each other, in the same individual.

What do you guys think? Do you restrict yourself more? or do you tend to overeat?

Personally, I'm a combination of both. Currently, I'm overeating....

Future Generations

You know.. It's frightening thinking that your child might have an eating disorder like you did... Save your child. Grow. Mature.

Don't succumb to the pressures of eating disorders like I did. You're better than that.

I'm better than that

More on that later....

Breakfast: Pancakes - Healthy

I like love breakfast. I actually love it even more when it's vegan. I love weekend vegan breakfasts the most.
Chillin in my jammies in the kitchen.... Anyways... This post is about pancakes.

Pancakes are like a blank canvas. You can make them banana pancakes (if you clicked that link, you should've seen that I've made banana pancakes before) or you can make them chocolate chip oat pancakes. You understand that they're so easy to change up. KERF made them healthy too, in her fiesta jacks.

You can also make them really healthy in a number of ways.

1. Adding some Rolled Oats in it.
   - oats can add texture and more complex carbs to keep you fuller, longer. However if you don't like the texture of oats, I can suggest maybe soaking the oats in the almond milk and add it as a wet ingredients.
   ex) recipe calls for 1c Almond Milk and 1/4c Oats. Soak the Oats in the Almond Milk THEN add it with the rest of the wet ingredients (like apple sauce, eggs etc)
   
   
2. Adding Apple Sauce, Pumpkin Puree or Pureed/mashed bananas keeps your WW pancakes moist.
   - Normally, WW pancakes can be hearty and too savory, but adding the applesauce, nanner or pumpkin will prevent it from tasting too hearty. Of course, it adds flavor....
   - Adding the above ingredients can also eliminate adding any sort of oil to your batter.
   - The above ingredients can also sub any sweetener.
   
   
3. Water can be subbed for almond milk (cutting anywhere from 20-40cal, depending on serving size)
   
   
4. I highly advise using Whole Wheat Flour.
   - If WW is too much for you, then I advise White Whole Wheat flour, it can ease you into the transition, and quite frankly, I have a difficult time noticing the difference between WW and White flour in my cooking.- Accordingly, other flours can be subbed (ex. spelt)
   
   
5. You can add Protein Powder (Flavor of your choice) if you add more liquid to loosen the batter up accordingly.
   

Lucky for you guys, there is no evil Pancake Dictator to tell you what to do. So I hope you employ one or all of the tips up there, and live like you mean it.

Shenanigans

Weekend shenanigans are mostly composed of breakfast. For me... I look forward to my weekend breakfasts, much. My weeks go by so quickly now, school is fast paced.

About two months ago, my doctor diagnosed me with snapping hip syndrome, or Dancer's Hip. In lamen's terms, it can be best described as a sharp joint pain that can radiate down your affected leg down to your ankle. After activity, it can hurt for days; and if not treated, can hurt for weeks and months.

In short, my hip hurts like a mofo, it feels like someone is stabbing (and sometimes dragging) a knife in my hip. Of course, like all my other injuries, I ignored the diagnosis and kept running and just stretched a little. I love running, and I sure do miss it terribly. I just stopped running two weeks ago (a month and a half after the diagnosis) and with the extra time on my hands, I've been stretching, gaining weight, and taking up a little yoga and cycling.

I've toned down the activity significantly, and it's been... not so great. But as of yesterday, I've been trying to focus on being more positive, and trying not to be too concerned about my physical appearance, but in contrast, focusing on how I feel.

What a change right? This is a huge leap and change, it's a cliche idea, but I understand why so many have employed it.

I tried to enjoy my weekend, but I feel like my metabolism has kept trekking, while my activity has retarded. But onward to Vegan Pancakes.

**This recipe can be stripped of its chocolate chip specifics, and can be seen as a blank canvas for future variations. Here are a few tips on pancakes.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Pancakes

makes 5 silver dollar pancakes

1/4C Rolled Oats

2 tbsp WW Flour

1/2 scoop Vanilla Protein Powder (I used Soy Protein)

1 Tbsp Baking Powder

1/8 tsp Salt

2 Tbsp Applesauce (SF) *

1/8 C Vanilla Almond Milk

1 tsp Vanilla

Dash of Cinnamon

1tsp Chocolate Chips (or 3 chocolate chips per pancake)

Mix together the dry ingredients (Rolled Oats, WW Flour, Protein Powder, Baking Powder, Cinnamon, Salt) Make sure the oats don't sink to the bottom, and ensure that everything is well mixed. Then put in the apple sauce and Almond Milk and mix well. Don't over mix please. Just mix until incorporated then ladle into a hot and oiled pan. (don't drown them in a pool of oil please.) Cook until you see lovely bubbles around the side of the pancakes. Flip them when you see the bubbles, if you miss them when they first appear, no worries, more bubbles will form. You don't have to cook them as long on the other side. Just press on the pancake when you think it's done, (please press on the cooked side) it should bounce back immediately, and not squish down.
Serve with SF Maple Syrup and a bit of Agave

Gin Wigmore - These Roses

Pretty in Pink

John Hughes what magic went on in your pretty little brain. Your films have brought much peace to my days. The senseless drama and slight sexual scenes.

John Cryer captivates my heart in this scene... And I love Molly Ringwald in this scene.

But my all time favorite is...

Danny Hutton Hitters - Wouldn't It Be Good

It's Sorta Funny

Binge. Binge. Binge.
Learn. Learn. Learn.

It's funny, I never looked at my binges in a positive light, but hey - who would?

I was reading a blog post, and the blogger looked at her binge as a learning experience and she forgived herself for it. At the moment, I was pretty satisfied and envious that she could do so and I tried to employ that same concept onto my life. I mean that's why people blog right? To voice their opinions for others to learn?
You post recipes and workouts so others could read and try to utilize that back onto their own life. Right?

You post reviews about electronic gadgets so others could learn from that, and buy (or not buy) a product.

I suppose it should not be so simply put, but the general idea is in the books.

Anyways... I tried to forgive myself.. but I didn't learn. I would just do that again - or is that just exclusive to me? Until I started blogging, I never realized how apprehensive I sound, always questioning myself, everything. I find that so true to me... Silent questioning in all of its glory.

Anyways.. back to the topic, that being looking at binges positively.

I suppose this all reflects back onto how you learn. Do you learn in a positive or negative environment? Do you learn from a positive incentive? Or is it more effective to condemn a concept or activity in order for you to NOT complete the action?

I know that if I were to offer my dog an edible treat is a compelling reason enough for him to complete an action. However, if you were to strongly condemn an action or activity, it would not become more intriguing to me, but it would be more voodoo. But let's say you're a man, and you're slightly mysterious... Now that has got my ovaries pumping (or uterine contracting.. graphic, no?) I will stop now.

ONE MORE. In the same context as uterine contraction...

Michael Buble - Grown Up Christmas List

I'm sure you all agree.

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