Friday, September 30, 2011

09.30.11

50/50. shed a little too many tears today.
happy birthday to the love of my life.

TOMORROW:
Yoga/run. Depending on how my legs are doing.
vegan pancake breakfast.
lets see you own this shiz.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

bidding


my chemical romance.

insight


her lips quivered at the mess she made, of herself and of her life. her eyes moved down towards the toilet to see the splatter of pastel colours. the different textures, the different colours that filled the bowl. and her eyes, swollen. her lips appeared as though she had been sucking on a pop too long and the perimeter of her lips seemed to have expanded. inflamed, her entire face appeared inflamed - like her life.

by the way - whose idea was that? Chocowave Shockwave? Snowballimus? let us all take a moment to remember the IQ points lost during the creation of these treats. you did not go down in vain.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

worry.

My thoughts of tomorrow motivate me to occupy my every waking moment with worry.
What tomorrow holds frightens my actions today.
What life holds I do not know.
I can only fill my heart with hope that it is better than my today.
Today determines tomorrow.
How can today be a better day when it is filled with thoughts of tomorrow?

This Week's Plan

You guys don't know it. but I'm a fitness freak.
Makes sense.. considering what you do know.
I'll use this as a journal to keep track of my schedule.

mon: 30min stairs, 20min run, 20min strength
tues: 10min jog, 20min HIIT (level5-8.6), 10min cool down
wed: break
thurs: (morning workout) 15min jog, 20min HIIT, 10min cool down
fri: 30min run, 20min stairs
sat: long run. TBD

let's see. the temptations of bulimia tug at the back of my throat.
but the excess at the back of my arm taunt me.

Monday, September 26, 2011

breakfast.




pancakes on the weekend. I can enjoy life. right?
recipe for vegan pancakes. they weren't fluffy.
but they were damn tasty.
1/2c white whole wheat flour
1/2c unsweetened vanilla almond milk
dash of salt
1tsp cinnamon
1tsp baking powder
1/2 pureed banana*
1tsp veg oil

mix dry and wet separately.
heat your griddle/pan
cook. flip*
serve.
makes 3-4 four inch pancakes.

*pureed banana can be substituted with pumpkin. season accordingly
*flip when the bubbles form around the pancake
bubbles should be half a cm in and completely encase the pancake.
^ that's important so it has a nice crisp.

img 2: overnight vegan oats. weekday breakfast.
the one thing i look forward to.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Puddin.


my chemical romance - nanana

i spend half of my time in my gym clothes. sorry. wish i could take more outfit pictures. i've been not so proud of my outfits recently - thanks school.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Saturday, September 17, 2011

II

Cardigan: Free People
Shirt: DIY thrifted shirt (Savers)
Skirt: BDG (rolled up)
Belt: Metropark
Socks: Nordstrom

Remember that feeling when you're super excited?
Your heart fills and is filled with anticipation.
..Excitement
your little heart is just so overwhelmed with joy....

not me.
not now.
I know the overwhelming feeling of stress.
anxiety.
dread.
now that's familiar.


there has been a new obsession on my mind: portugal the man
I find myself wanting to consume myself in activities and opportunities I wouldn't otherwise indulge myself in. Because I'm occupied.
And I'm completely engulfed. Drowned. Dying. in the work that I strive to succeed in.
I will be successful.
I won't end my career here.
The sweet sense of freedom.
The sweet sense of success.
The taste of pride.
Will humble me.

give yourself a break. and let your ears indulge now.
Let your mind.
live
free

Thursday, September 15, 2011

burnt



beauty is as deep as the toilet.


must we really measure that?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

wicked wicked.



stress has me at my throat.
i feel the air draining from my lungs.
my head.
my heart.
my limbs.
let me take your hand.

Monday, September 12, 2011

what has the world got to offer you.

the lady in my life - michael jackson

sun down

sun down now we have built our place. an aviary forever.
- "olympic airways - foals"

temptation pulls at the strings of my heart as my hand reaches. grabs. touches. releases. pulls back. reasoning has saved me. reasoning is my salvation. that will cause me to lash out irrationally. the war with bulimia can never be won. battles may belong to you, but bulimia lives in your brain. forever. and always. the sadness lurks in your brain. always. the shadow is always cast over you, you and your face. you and your heart. you will always be conquered by bulimia. and your sense can only beat it, at its time of weakness.
you will never reach the salvation that will save you. you will only taste the salvation that teases you.
you and your senses.
bitter.
the bitter taste of acid lurks at the back of your throat.
tingling.
biting at your tongue.
bulimia sings in your head, and all you can do is push it. push it back for now.
keep it back there for a minute.
however, it will come back.
bulimia never leaves you alone. you're never alone. bulimia will always be there for you.
you'll never be good enough.
good enough to fight this off.
good enough to fend this off.
it will always haunt you.
go ahead, starve yourself for now, who are you fooling?
bulimia is your identity. you can never beat that.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Never Thought

the cure - close to me
such sweetness and nostalgia. can you ever get sick of this man.
its rhetorical. notice: lack of question mark.
what talent.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Tiger Mountain

Fleet Foxes - Tiger Mountain Peasant Song

shuffle




work/school week started. insanity has begun.
classes. clubs. meetings.homework. gym.
absence of mind.

Cassius

Foals - Cassius

Monday, September 5, 2011

labor day





source of life. source of inspiration.
studies. ezekial granola. 0%plain yogurt. overcast

you can be super, too.

Frightened Rabbit - Swim Until You Can't See Land

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Ashore





You don't realize how much you rely on the sun, until you switch that first light on to guide you. I only wish the presence of my friends can fill the sore left by my famiy
.
please excuse the messy post. working on formatting. advice appreciated.
shirt: daddy's closet
pants: cotton on
shoes: savers

awolnation - sail