Saturday, November 19, 2011


I was a really bad daughter today. My family spent all day in SD for my brother's soccer obligations. So, per usual, I spent the day without them. However, when I got home from yoga, I was unusually resentful towards my father. That makes sense in my head, however, the morality of the action does not render. Of course, I feel as though it is partially deserving, however, the immense guilt laced in the action does not make it worth it.
I blew up on my boyfriend the other day, from the unreasonable anger bottled up against my brother. I have managed to train myself to bottle up my anger against him, and let it go on my boyfriend or myself. It's horrible. I should 'forgive' but I feel as though he has caused so much terror in my life, why should I forgive? It's the same as bottling it up... It's gonna kill me.
I'm so trapped in this situation.
I can't say no to my brother's criticisms, my parents don't see the wrong, and I know they're just exhausted from his relentless arguments. There's no way of fighting him. There's no way of fighting this. There's no way of getting out of this situation. I'm like in war....
My time in war is up, but I'm apprehensive to leave because my comrades, my parents, still have time here. I don't want to lose my comrades in this battle. They need me.
I wish I had answers. I wish I wasn't in this situation.
I love my parents so much, it's so difficult to see them dealing with all of this. But my greatest concern in them, is their health. I fear so greatly over their state of being. But who am I to tell them what to do?
I feel so oppressed.
So submissive.

The Fray - Say When

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